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Monday, November 21, 2022

Crossy Road Medieval Character Unlocks


I'm going to interrupt my normally scheduled GPU talk to go off on a tangent: Crossy Road. It's a stupid game. I've played it waaaaaay too much! Recently, the Medieval update came out with a new map, plus 14 new characters. I've already unlocked every other character, except for the Piggy Bank that requires you to pay $2.99 — I'm cheap, and also addicted. LOL

So, here are the 14 medieval characters, brief notes on each, and what you need to do to unlock them.

  1. Gorgeous Prince: Prize Machine. Laughs knowingly and appears quite full of himself.
  2. Princess: Prize Machine. Sometimes giggles, sometimes sniffs arrogantly, she's apparently the female counterpart to the Gorgeous Prince.
  3. Blacksmith: Prize Machine. Anvils, anvils, everywhere! Lots of the regular objects on the medieval level are replaced with anvils, which the blacksmith can whack. It doesn't do anything other than make a sound.
  4. Peasant: Prize Machine. Laughs like Beavis and Butthead, or some evildoer. If you stand still, he'll throw rotten fruit in whatever direction he's facing.
  5. Falconer: Prize Machine. Not much to say, except the bird squawks and when you die it flies away.
  6. Monk: Prize Machine. Carries a bible, which he lifts into the air when you stand still. He's the only character that can find Robin Hood.
  7. Healer: Prize Machine. Carries around a book and a backpack, but otherwise nothing special that I could see.
  8. Noblewoman: Prize Machine. Hums to herself and people bow to her when she passes.
  9. Nobleman: Prize Machine. Mumbles importantly to himself and people bow to him when he passes.


  10. The Wart: Prize Machine. A nod to Disney's A Sword in the Stone, The Wart is the only character that can draw Excalibur and unlock Merlin. Otherwise, he's pretty nondescript.
  11. Black Knight: Requires 100 tokens, obtained by playing the Pecking Order daily challenge. He's an homage to Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. If you stand still for a bit, he loses his arms first and then his legs. Keep moving, or get to a log or a lily pad and he can rest.
  12. Lady of the Lake: Jump in the sparkling river. There's an audio cue when you see the river that's different looking than the others. When playing as the Lady, all rivers are now sparkling. She carries a sword (presumably Excalibur), and will raise it in the air if you stand still for a bit.
  13. Merlin: Play as The Wart and find an open field with the sword in the stone. Approach it and it shakes and rises up, and you unlock Merlin. Note that you can find the sword in the stone with other characters but the sword remains stuck. Merlin carries a wizard's staff, and if you stand still he'll raise it up and cause nearby objects to float.
  14. Robin Hood: Play as the Monk (Friar Tuck?) and you can sometimes find him standing to the side. I found him near a river, but I don't know if that's always the case. Robin Hood will often encounter his Merry Men near jousting areas, and they will dance a jig with him.

Congratulations! Assume you have enough time and patience to spin the stupid Prize Machine a bunch of times (I was at 83,000 coins when the Medieval Update arrived), you can now unlock all of the new characters.

What's the Medieval level like? The trains are replaced by jousters, there are roads with carriages and people riding horses, and you get the usual rivers and such. All told, it's a fun little updates for people who, like me, spend too much time playing stupid games while running benchmarks.


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